When the box arrived at my work from Animas I felt a wave of emotion. I opened up the box eagerly and peered inside to see an entire new world of medical supplies. I opened the box with my pump and there she was, nestled in the package all shiny and brand new. It is hard to describe the excitement I felt (and feel). I have wanted this since being diagnosed. It represents so much to me. The ability to live with a bit more freedom. I look forward to eating on my own schedule, being able to sleep in on a weekend without so much worry and mostly being able to exercise with a bit more peace of mind and confidence. I can't wait to start planning my next marathon and then seriously start exploring triathlons. Lets be honest, I am really looking forward to not having to stab myself with needles 4-8 times a day. I know that the highs will still happen and certainly the lows, but I just know it is going to make me happier.
Holding my pump in my hand also filled me with fear. This little machine will be responsible for keeping me alive each and every day. That is a fact. I have never really thought of it in that way until now. I am the operator that must place the commands and trust that it will follow my direction. I have so much to learn and not a lot of room for error. I have a million questions and am eager to learn all I can to utilize this to its max.
My little silver pump mostly represents hope. The hope that I can slow down the complications I already have and the hope that I can prevent others. The hope that I can be the athlete I want to be and prove to myself that I can do this. I think it also represents hope for all of us living with diabetes, the hope that a cure may come one day. If you look at how far the treatment of diabetes has come maybe this is possible.
For now I shall read my manual and learn what I can about my new pump. She is about to become my best and most trusted friend. One month until go time!