Merry Christmas

Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas!!

November 2013 Training Wrap Up

Well better late than never! Not sure where this month has gone.  Work and life in general has been very busy.  We are in the depths of winter and the majority of my training has been inside unfortunately.  I do usually run outside however have my limits as to how cold I will go out in.  I have gotten a lot of time in on the bike (spin and little J in my living room) and quite a lot of strength training.  I actually have hired a personal trainer to work with me twice a week to work on strength and core.  I have noticed that the stronger I am getting the better I perform on the bike and run.  I want to see how some structured strength/core will help in the upcoming race season.  

Here are the numbers: 

Hours of training = 49.7 hours

Bike (including Spin) x 13 = 363.7 km's

Run x 9 = 94 km's

Swim x 2 = 5,000 m

Weights/tabata/core= 17 hours 45 minutes

Rest days =5

December has been great so far and I am enjoying being able to do what I can.  I am itching to get out snowboarding soon!  Also, Ryan and I booked a trip to Mexico in February.  I can hardly wait for some sun, sand and relaxation :)

An Open Letter to Diabetes

I was asked to write a blog post about how it feels to have Type 1 diabetes and I said that I would love to! This really got me thinking. I mean I live with the damn disease every day but I don’t always think about it.  I think I actually avoid thinking about it for many reasons.  I decided to write an open letter to diabetes explaining how I feel about it (him? her?).

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ 

Dear Type 1 Diabetes,

We have been together for just over two years now and I have never really told you how I feel about you.  First of all I want to make it clear that I do not want to be with you, never have and never will.  Unfortunately for us both it looks as though this relationship is here to stay.  I think honesty is very important in relationships, so here goes.

I really feel like this is a one way relationship.  I spend a lot of time thinking about you every single hour of every single day and I do a lot to take care of you.  Sometimes I make a mistake and you let me know, but often I feel like I do everything right and you just act like a total jerk.  You are very needy and time consuming; sometimes I feel so drained by you and wish I could ignore you.

The times you sneak up on me are not appreciated and I wish you would stop.  Like at Thanksgiving when all my family was around and you decided you needed to be the centre of attention.  Sitting at the dinner table with my loved ones with my insides shaking, my brain turned to utter mush and drenched in sweat was not cool.  I felt terrified I was going to pass out and really had to concentrate to keep my eyes open.  I could tell everyone was worried and I don’t like worrying my loved ones.

On that note, you make me feel self conscious at times.  I often feel stares from strangers when I am testing my blood sugar or funny looks from people when I fish out my insulin pump.  This is not so bad really.  It is when I have important things to do I worry you will throw a temper tantrum.  Like when I have an important work meeting and I go low or high.  Having to discreetly fish out glucose tabs and force them down without making a fuss.  Trying to articulate clearly in a meeting when my head is so sluggish and words won’t come together and things I know well disappear from my mind.  Or in the middle of a tough spin class and no matter how much juice or glucose I take you won’t listen and I have to stumble off my bike, explain to the instructor in front of the entire class that you are acting up and I have to sit down on the floor.  The looks of pity I get make me feel so self conscious and I want to disappear into a hole at times.

You won’t be surprised to hear that at times you frustrate the hell out of me and in fact have the ability to make me very angry.  Why can I eat the same breakfast week after week with no issues and all of a sudden you decide to change things up, sending me skyrocketing into orbit or down low into the depths of despair?  Why I can have many days of successful runs, swims or long bike rides and you behave like a perfectly trained pet and then suddenly decide you don’t like our usual routine and throw me right off.  Why sometimes you do prevent me from doing the things I love.  This one is the one that makes me so mad. I spend a lot of time taking care of you in order that I can do what I want.  

One other thing, you are bloody expensive to take care of!  Between the test strips, meters, pumps, needles, pump supplies, insulin, glucagon, back up supplies, bigger purse, extra food and all of the doctors expenses you are one high maintenance partner to lug around!

You also make me feel very scared at times.  When you give me high numbers for no reason and my head swims, eyes ache, body parts go numb and I just want to sleep.  When you give me scary lows which make my heart nearly pound of my chest, my vision go blurry, my mouth and tongue go numb, sweat to pour off me and to jumble my brain to the point where sometimes I am unable to speak.  When I wake up with a low blood sugar shaking and trembling only to realize that I am lucky I woke up at all.  You make me scared to go to sleep at times for the fear of not waking.  You have already done damage to my eyes, my teeth and the nerves in my body.  My feet still burn and tingle as a reminder that you are closely watching me, and it terrifies me. What do you have in store for me next?  My organs? My limbs?  It is scary to feel so vulnerable and helpless.

You do often make me feel determined however, so I guess that is one good thing to come out of this relationship.  I have been able to educate others, I have been able to do triathlons and have big plans for other distance events.  I have been able to meet and connect with some amazing people out there because of you.  Don’t allow that to make you feel too happy however, as we often spend a lot of time discussing how we wish you were no longer around.

The truth of it all is that you make my life harder.  You are my ever constant companion who is very deceiving to others.  People look at me and assume I am just fine. I mean, I look pretty healthy and do a lot of activity, but looks can be deceiving. You are exhausting and quite frankly I wish you would take a hike.

Yours begrudgingly,

Jocelyn 

October 2013 Training Wrap Up

Hard to believe that we are already into November.  Snow is on the ground and it is getting chilly at night.  Winter is truly upon us.  We definitely lucked out and had a lovely long fall.  In fact I rode my road bike outside right up until the last weekend in October.  This makes me happy.  October was a solid month for me training wise.  I did attend some physio for the pain I was experiencing through the right side of my butt/leg.  They determined that I have a very tight IT band and need to work on building strength in my hips.  The physio said that is is very common in endurance athletes to neglect focusing on their hips as most would just think that your hips would strengthen with all of the running, biking and swimming. Turns out this is not the case.  I have a series of hip exercises to perform each day as well as instructions to use my foam roller more often and to stretch more diligently.  I went to four sessions and they also did some IMS and needling.  The IMS felt great, the needling hurt like a you know what.  I am feeling much better and my running is feeling good.

 

Now for the numbers:

 

Hours of training = 47.5 hours

Bike (including Spin) x 12 = 316 km's

Run x 12 = 109.6 km's

Swim x 4 = 8,700 m

Weights/tabata/core= 13 hours 30 minutes

Rest days =4

November has been off to a roaring start and I have been going to spin class and running outside in the snow and ice.  I really don't mind running in the cold so this is not bothering me too much.  Not a huge fan of ice, but not much we can do about it in this province.  Just need to be careful.  A girl I know was getting rid of her bike trainer as she switched from road biking to mountain biking a couple of years ago.  All she wanted was a bottle of wine and a donation to an animal charity.  Done.  I will be setting it up this Saturday and giving it a whirl.  As much as I do enjoy spin class, I love my bike and want to be able to do longer rides through the winter.  I don't want to leave my bike collecting dust until May when the snow melts.  She may get lonely :)

Happy Halloween!

September 2013 Training Wrap-Up

Nearly a week late with my September numbers.  September was a good month for me, training and fun wise.  Ryan and I went to California for a week and had a fantastic vacation!  We went to a Stanford College football game, spend a few lovely days in Sonoma County in the cutest bed and breakfast, drove down the coast and then spent three glorious days in San Fransisco.  My second time to the city and still so much I want to see.  I did a lot of walking during the trip but no actual training. Despite that I still got a solid month under my belt.  I have been having some pain in my right butt, hip and knee area when running.  Because I am stubborn I have kept running on it, however finally decided to make an appointment with a physiotherapist. I am pretty sure it is my piriformis or IT band and it happens only with this leg.  ART and massage do help but this time around it is not getting better.  I want to nip it in the butt (literally) so I can get back to some longer distance running. 

I got a few nice long rides in on my road bike and participated in the Fall Harvest Ride.  It was a 65km ride and there were about 300 participants.  I had lots of fun riding with so many other people!  I love the fall colours while being out on the bike, just beautiful.  I will be sad when the snow flies and Little J will be staying inside.  I have decided to get myself a trainer so that Little J does not feel abandoned.  I have joined a registered spin class and am doing two classes a week.  Although they are about 90 mins each, they kick my butt each time.  The intervals and hill climbing are perfect for training. 

 

Now for the numbers:

 

Hours of training = 34.8 hours

Bike (including Spin) x 9 = 339.2 km's

Run x 9 = 97 km's km's

Swim x 4 = 8,850m

Weights/tabata/core= 6 hours 30 minutes

Rest days =10

So far October is off to a good start and I have done some short runs and spent time on the bike and in the pool.  I have been making an effort to stretch a lot more and also to get more strength training in.  Biking and swimming do not irritate my leg so I won't be surprised if this month is spent on these activities and not so much running.  I don't want to end up really injured!  Happy October!

Two Years

I wrote this 3 weeks ago and finally tweaked it today...

Two years - Sept 7, 2013

Hard for me to believe that two years ago today I was diagnosed Type 1 Diabetic. That day is still very raw and real in my mind, not sure if that will ever go away. In some ways I feel like I have been diabetic my entire life. I find it hard remembering my days before regular finger pricks, counting carbs, bolusing for food, suffering with lows and highs. I think the reason for this is that it is so time consuming it has become a routine. In other ways I still feel like this is still all so new to me. Not a week goes by where I don't have to adjust settings, where foods that were okay the week before no longer cooperate with my blood sugars. I have been really low (like 1.4 low) and not felt too bad and I have been a bit low (like 3.5) and felt like I was done for. Not sure I will ever get used to the desperation that comes with having a low blood sugar. The ultimate panic and need to surface from a dark place where everything trembles and words cannot form. When everything is in slow motion and all you want to do is either fall asleep or eat the contents of your fridge. I have learned that pretty much every Type 1 diabetic suffers lows on a weekly, if not daily, basis. Let me tell you straight up - they are hell. And let's not forget about the high blood sugars. The feeling of lethargy that sets in, the thirst, the need to pee, the inability to think straight, the extreme exhaustion and the feeling of guilt. Yes, guilt and shame is such a huge part of living with this disease. Every time I see a high number I feel so guilty, so ashamed. What did I do wrong, what could I have done better and a big one is what consequence will I suffer down the road.

All of this seems very doom and gloom so far, so lets get to the positive things about being Type 1 diabetic (and yes there are quite a few positives). A big one for me and something I have heard from manyT1D's is that I am very in tune with my body. I know what foods make me feel good and what makes me feel bad. The motivation to stay healthy and active is huge. Every day I run, bike or swim and this benefits me in all ways. It makes my mental state much more calm than it usually would be, helps my blood sugars stay stable and makes me sleep so much better. Balancing the activity is a challenge on its own - high blood sugars after intense activity and then crashing lows. Having my pump and being able to set temporary basal decreases is a life saver.

The one thing I have struggled with over the last two years is opening up to others. To the outside world I appear to breeze through dealing with Type 1 diabetes. I hate for people to see me at my most vulnerable and am used to be the strong one. I have problems talking about my disease and often hide it. I have been having lows whilst at work and while being out in public with others and have hid it well while inside I am crumbling. This is my goal for the next year, accept my disease and stop hiding the bad times, as they unfortunately occur regularly.

The last two years have been the biggest adventure of my life. I have travelled the world and lived in different cultures yet nothing has challenged me this way. Being in charge daily of your life or death is a daunting task, but two years in I am ready for the challenge.  Every day I hate this disease but then have no choice but to embrace it.  I cannot change my reality....I can only live with it.